Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Weekly Grind

I have received hundreds of requests (maybe not quite hundreds but at least 10) to detail what these hellacious work outs are like. So here is my work out from this past Monday (www.skyfitaz.com):

Warm up consisted of prison squats with a weighted bar, side lunges and pushups (3 minutes). At the end of the warm up I am ready to cool down, but the fun is just beginning.

  1. 45 degree Incline walk (I kid you not my calves are en fuego by 45 seconds and we do this for 2 full minutes with no rest, and as I am often reminded – no holding on to the bar)
  2. Lunges with 15lbs curls (I had grabbed the 10lbs but was shamed into something a little more heavy, just like me) 2-50 sec sets with a 20 second break.
  3. Band work (take a enormous industrial strength rubber band, step on it, cross it over and pull up to your chest, then do 5 side steps in each direction for the first 50 second set, and rock back and forth for the second 50 second rep. It felt like someone was stabbing me with a dagger on my hips)
  4. Running, two minutes no breaks, I hate tread mills. My mood is often lifted when we only have one treadmill going, but today we get two, hooray.
  5. Squats with weights, then lunges with weights, 2-50 second sets with a 20 second break
  6. Jump rope, 2 minutes no breaks (I am awful at this; jumping rope surely can’t help me dunk, right?)
  7. Side crunches, 5x each side then switch for 50 seconds.
  8. Weighted Ball above the head bouncing off the wall for 50 seconds.

You repeat this three times (50 minutes total) and then you are finished for the day. I have already written about my first experience with these workouts, where I hurled half way through, and even though I am in week 3, they definitely don’t seem to be getting any easier. I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment when I make it through, but I know at some point I am going to have to up my game, and then re-up and then re-up.

Until this week, I hadn’t changed my diet, per doctors’ orders mind you, but now I feel that I have to. There is only so far pizza, wings, and nachos can get you, so now I am onto fish, chicken, veggies and the like. If I can overcome being a baby and a whiner about food and my consumption limits, I should be alright. Last night Abby made Monk Fish, with fresh asparagus and whole wheat pasta (of course we added a little Slavo Salt for taste www.slavosalt.com) and it was so good. I feel great this morning and will be hitting the tennis courts tonight before back to Heather (trainer extraordinaire) tomorrow morning.

I think there are 3 people right now that believe I will be able to dunk a basketball at the end of this journey, Heather (my trainer), Abby (my wife), and me. Everyone else I have spoken with either tells me flat out that it’s impossible or I can see it in their eyes (this mofo is crazy). But if I am ever to look Kohen and Chloe in the eyes and preach the value of hard work, I’ll need proof to back me up. What better proof than a movie that will take top honor in the documentary category at Sundance next year.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

at a snails pace

I am tired. Yesterday I woke up at 4:15AM with Kohen (mind you, ‘waking up’ to me is telling Abby that Kohen is up and he is interrupting my sleep), out of bed at 4:50, made bottles for K and C, gave them to Abby, got dressed and headed over to Sky Fitness (www.skyfitaz.com) and was greeted by what appears to be a lovely person, my trainer Heather. But don’t be fooled, there is nothing lovely about a woman who asks you if you are wearing a crop top because your XL workout shirt is coming up and your gut is sticking out. Yet, I digress. Heather is exactly who I need to get me back in shape. None of my jokes work, and there is only so much cool you can pull off when you are about to pass out. She’ll see this to the end, or see me to my next life, which is a weird level of comfort and disturbance for me.

If I were to be brutally honest with myself, which is the purpose of DUNK, I am selfish and self centered (I’m writing a blog, about myself, I mean come on). I have always believed in myself but never followed that belief up with the virtues of hard work. It’s seems odd that I would find myself deciding now to go through this, because after all – what I am saying to my family is: “Hey Abby, I know we have two 7 month olds, but can I work out 6 days a week, so that I might be able to recapture some athletic ability and dunk a basketball. Good luck with those poopy diapers, I’ll be at the gym.” But the thing is – I couldn’t have started this and kept what has been constant motivation without my twins. Come on, I know I am a jerk, but I have to be, right? My parents and family have been sold the Kool Aid so much by me that they just nod now, and I can’t blame them. Right now I have to be a jerk to follow through on this one.

So far, the biggest accomplishments of my life are: one, married an unreal woman, who saw something in me that I still can’t figure out what it is, and two, we have two amazing little babies who I love so much, that I often find myself comparing them to Einstein when they pick up their binkies off the blanket and put them back in their mouths. That’s it, right there, not even a number 3. All of my other accomplishments fall somewhere between “Who gives a shit?” and “A Monkey could do that”.

So what am I saying in all of this? Drink the Kool Aid people, Senior Fats is down 10 pounds and picking up momentum.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Houston, we've got a problem...

The problem is, I’m fat and not with PH. What’s worse is that even though I knew I was overweight – I thought I was in decent enough shape. The consistent message I have received in the past from opponents in my tennis matches was ‘you’re fast..... for a fat guy’ (yes some actually said that and others politely implied it). So, when I weighed in at 264 pounds, I wasn’t surprised. Having topped out at 290, this was an improvement. As scary as it is to post your weight on line for the entire world to see (my group of 30 family and friends who read this), it is even scarier to know I must travel the road ahead to lose 65-75 pounds, so that I can get above the rim. However, now is not the time for pride nor excuses, and there is no time like the present to mark my line in the sand. This leads me to my first workout. I not only marked a line in the sand, I threw up on it.

Last night I was introduced to Heather’s world http://www.SkyFitAZ.com, and it was fricking brutal. I was pushed to my breaking point and I have to go back there this Wednesday and Friday to humble myself all over again. In between her workouts (high intensity ass kickers through ten different stations) I have to jog (my running partner is one hot bitch, see above) play tennis (all you skinny dudes now have my weight to put on the losses I’ve dealt you) play hoops, do anything, just be active. To be honest, I was a little surprised by throwing up, humbled and defeated by the time I got to minute 12 of the workout, but somehow stumbled through the rest of the 50 minute affair. Abby took one look at me when I got home and giggled. She knows I have signed up for something that is wonderful for our kids but she is also elated to see me get my ass kicked and to that she owes Heather.

The truth is, if I wasn’t making DUNK? there is no way I would have finished that first workout. I know what I have always known, that I let myself go, and I have never had the work ethic to push myself to get back into shape. But by coming clean, I know every person that I see who asks me how DUNK? is going, will expect me to see it through, and that is exactly what I need. So, if you see me with a cheeseburger, please throw some stink eye my direction.

During the workout Heather asked me some questions about my feelings towards myself and my current frame of mind, to which I replied “I used to be a great athlete....I could do this and that.......I can’t believe this happened.” Heather replied, “It did happen. Get over it and get positive.”

So, Fuck yeah Heather! Let’s see what this fat boy can do.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Away we go

I am fat. I have had a hard time admitting that for over a decade, but let’s face it the camera and mirrors don’t lie, and neither does my mother. I am one chunky monkey. My chins go 2-3 deep depending on what I am eating that week, I weez when I try to jog and by jog I mean walk at a fast pace. I am one big dude. And, that’s not ok, at least not anymore.

6 and ½ months ago I received 2 wake up calls by the names of Kohen and Chloe, my beautiful little babies (and lucky me...the wake up calls are finally sleeping through the night). Now, as 2010 has begun I have decided to get back into shape, drop 60-80 pounds, and do something I have always dreamed of doing: DUNK a basketball. My friend Elliott suggested it be DUNK? with a question mark because who knows if I will be able to do it, and appropriately enough the first question everyone asks is, ‘could you ever dunk a basketball?’ The answer depends on who you ask, but you'll have to wait for the flick to find out.

So welcome to DUNK? A Documentary that myself and David Quiroz Jr. will be shooting over the next 9-12 months. I am weighing in this morning with Dr. Sandy Garred a weight loss specialist at Arizona Center for Neurosurgery (www.arizonacns.com), and meeting my new fabulous trainer Heather Sayers Lehman of Sky Fitness (http://www.SkyFitAZ.com) who is taxed with the duty of getting my very neglected body back into shape. My main man Michael “Slavo” Stephens (http://slavosalt.com/) will take me grocery shopping and show me great ways to prepare and cook healthy food.

I will be updating the blog once a week with photos and stories about the previous week. This will be the hardest thing I have done to date in my life, but I have an amazing wife, family, friends and two little inspirations that need a healthy old man to teach them how to surf. Please email with any comments, but don’t be surprised if what you say makes it in the documentary.

See you a little lighter than before.