Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Failed or Failure?

I failed Dunk? When we started, in January at 275 pounds, my goal was to be down to 200 pounds by now and I am at 245. I am a couple inches closer to dunking the basketball, but still a foot away. We did not film enough, I did not do a good enough job updating the blog, or releasing video snippets to keep the public interested. As far as I can tell, Esquire has walked away from the piece I had written for them with the help of one of their editors. Now with a new baby due in one month, there is zero chance to lose 45 pounds and dunk a basketball, so I failed. I give myself a big fat F. I could rationalize the shit out of it, but let’s just leave it as an F and move on.

Wait, move on from the production, no way Jose! Again, I am finding myself with an opportunity to prove myself, and this time I understand that I need to prove myself to myself. Before we all hug ourselves and sing campfire songs let me explain. When I started Dunk I viewed the production as a great way to show Abby how committed I was to getting healthy for our family. I wanted a video diary that showed my love to Kohen and Chloe, and how I wanted nothing more than to be a fit, active father. I wanted to show my dad that I could still be athletic, capable of hard work and a wondrous fete. What I have learned though over the last nine months is that none of that truly matters. Don’t get me wrong, I care very much what my wife, children and family think of me. But, in order to truly embrace what Dunk is about, which is changing your life for the better, I need to do it for myself. In the beginning I thought that Dunk was an exceptionally selfish thing to do, especially to a wife who had just birthed twins, but I don’t feel that way anymore. Dunk is for me, it’s to finally let go of my failed athletic past, but more importantly to get healthier and happier and feel better about myself when I look in the mirror. For a very wise trainer once told me, “if you aren’t happy with yourself how can you expect to make anyone else around you happy?” Thank you Heather for that.

After Heather told me that, I put Sky Fitness, (, on hold. I am taking a hiatus from my workouts there in order to be home with the kiddos and help bring Abby to the finish line with the LAST baby we are going to have. I will be making up my own workouts for the next 3 months with aspirations of starting up Sky again in January.

This is the perfect time for me to see what I can do on my own. This is normally the part when I talk about how much I am going to film and write in the upcoming weeks. Let’s get real, from now on I will do what I can do and hopefully it will be a lot and meaningful. Until next time, keep your nose to the grindstone (Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms).

ps-the picture deserves an explanation and I will give one a week from now.

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